Dealing with Disappointment

An inherent part of sport (and life) is that on occasion, we will be disappointed. There will be times when we have put our full effort into achieving something and worked extremely hard, only for the outcome to not be as we hoped or aimed for. On these occasions, emotions such as disappointment and frustration may well come to the fore. We may start

'beating ourselves up’, and, if we are not careful, what could be a valuable learning and growth opportunity may instead derail us further.

Listening to Novak Djokovic’s post-match interview yesterday, one phrase really stuck out to me. When asked if, despite his defeat, he still felt proud of all he had achieved his reply came: “I will be, tomorrow morning probably”. What I liked about this comment was the combination of both the room he created for his disappointment in the moment, and the acknowledgment that he could and would move forwards from it with a shift in focus.

When you find yourself facing a situation that hasn’t gone as you planned, here are three things to consider:

1. It is ok to be disappointed

Whilst it is important to focus on the positives in a situation (see tip number 3!), it can be easy to mistake this for meaning that ‘negative’ or challenging emotions should be pushed aside or ignored. That we should ‘pretend’ to be happy. This is not the case, and in fact, if we are experiencing uncomfortable emotions it can be extremely helpful to both acknowledge and recognise this within ourselves. If we allow an emotion to be present and give ourselves permission to feel it, we may find that in fact it becomes a little easier to sit with. If something is important to us, and we have worked hard to achieve it, feeling disappointed when we don’t is both reasonable and understandable. It is ok!

2. Give yourself a time limit

Whilst it is absolutely ok to feel disappointed, it is also important to recognise that it is not helpful to ‘wallow’, or to allow the disappointment to derail us from taking positive steps towards achieving our goals. By proactively giving yourself a ‘time limit’ in which you have your own full permission to feel upset, you can then choose to actively shift your focus onto factors and actions that will get you back on track. The time limit you set may vary and depend on the situation you are facing, but it could be ‘until the end of the day’, or ‘for the next 24 hours’ for example.

3. Focus on what you have learnt and action steps

It is a great habit to reflect on your learnings from an experience regardless of outcome. Take time to sit down and consider and what you have learnt from it. What elements went well? (Be sure to write these down and give yourself credit where it is due!). Where could you could improve? Focus on factors that are within your control (see my previous blog post on controlling the controllables) and think about HOW you will do this. What are your specific and achievable action steps? Write all of this down and create a plan that you can follow over the coming days, weeks or months. Take control! Doing this (and following it!), will increase both your confidence and chance of success next time!

If you are struggling to manage your own frustration and disappointment, feel you are getting in your own way, or would like help creating an action plan to achieve your goals, please feel free to get in touch and we can chat about how I can help you.

Email: laura@laurarowe.co.uk